I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
