My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
