Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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