I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
