fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
