my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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