thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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