Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would fuck him just for his dog
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
