Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
