I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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