screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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