if i can run in heels then i can drive
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
