Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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