He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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