Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
