Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
