1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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