I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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