She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she smelled like a LAN party
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
