Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
