I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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