$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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