I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
