He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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