Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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