you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
