I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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