He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
