Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
