So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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