I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
