at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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