how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
