You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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