Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
