new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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