I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
