So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
