I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
