why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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