Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
