Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
