oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
