I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
