TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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