I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
