Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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