The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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