Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
