i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
