I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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