If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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