sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Randomize
