i think my mom watched the whole time
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
