yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
