i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
