what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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