Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
