Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
