Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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