I think I am morally bankrupt
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
