At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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