My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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