we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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