She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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