Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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