Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
