My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
