If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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