I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
