im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
