i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
