Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
