I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
