It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
