Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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